Instantly

How to instantly improve anything: add the word 'free' before it!

Examples:
-free cookies
-free gasoline
-free getting punched in the face

How to instantly ruin anything: add the words 'fat free' before it!

Examples:
-fat free ice cream
-fat free milk
-fat free fat

how the hell does stuff like this happen!?

strange things happen in this universe... VERY strange things. oh, whats that? examples? well I guess I could...

1. lost remote. you sit down and watch some tv, and after 2 hours of not even breathing towards it, the remote has apparently vanished into thin air. same thing happens to keys and shoes...

2. tangled cords. wrap those headphones up into a nice little ring and tuck them in a drawer. come back 10 minutes later and BAM they are a fairly convincing tangela model...

3. dog hair EVERYWHERE. have a dog that sheds? odds are you'll find some of its hair in that hamburg you pulled out of the freezer that you pup there BEFORE you got the dog

evil villain idea

had a great idea for an evil villain: the PUNCHliner. every time somebody tells the punchline to a joke *poof* he appears and socks 'em good. soon nobody will say the punchline o any joke. and a joke without a punchline? that's just a stupid irrelevant story...

soon verbal comedy around the world would be eliminated, leaving only slapstick comedy and slightly funny blog posts...

how NOT to be a total dick customer.

1. Check the 'tude at the door

Yeah its common to be stressed when out on the town if you're running late or have ran into problems at your last stop or maybe its even something that's bigger than that. whatever has you bugging out is no reason to give the employees of the business you just entered a hard time. If you aren't good at controlling your rage at least apologize to whomever you inevitably snap at for no reason. If you can leave your problems outside and you will 100% definitely have a better experience.

2. Is it just the rules

A lot of businesses dealing with customer service have a set of rules the employees have to follow that are bound to be unpopular with the customer. Whether its the cashier at the supermarket, the waitress at the restaurant, or the drive through worker at the fast food joint, they all have protocol to follow. If one of these guidelines upset your plans its important to remember that there's a 99.99999% chance the person your talking is not responsible for creating them. If it is a serious issue to you politely ask to speak with the authority figure without being an asshat to the person your dealing with. The manager/owner may not have had a say in the rules either if its a chain, but they get payed to have you scream at them, unlike that minimum wage worker who broke the bad news to you. Even better: accept the rules for what they are and drop the issue, especially if its something that was probably printed on your receipt*cough*merchandisereturndeadlines*cough*

3. react appropriately!

People aren't perfect, and something is bound to go wrong eventually. maybe a waitress screws up your order, or a cashier accidentally scans an item twice. whatever the mistake just remember to react appropriately. Its ok to be mad, as they DID screw up, but most of the time they will immediately apologize for the mistake and do their best to fix it ASAP! In the end you will probably only be delayed by 10 minutes or so, not have your house burned down, so tame it down to a reasonable level! also note that rude customers embarrass themselves in front of the rest of the store...

BOOM! 3 easy steps to improve the experience for both you and the employee(s). be pleasant and they'll return the favor. be a grouch and they are gonna end up just as pissed as you.

plug for photoblog

http://ttereves.blogspot.com/

started me a photo-blog! feel free to comment!

breakdown of furniture assembly time

steps to put together semi-assemble furniture:

10% digging for and removing tools LOLstructions

20% tightening bolts and screws and stuff (actual assembly)

70% removing the damn packing materials!

I swear they prep this stuff like they are going to launch it to your house via an olde-timey cannon!!!

potential titles for this heat wave

In michigan the temp hit 90 today, which is ridiculous to us, and is supposed to be this bad for the next few days. A clever name to remember it by is a must. Mu suggestions:

1. The summer of useless pools (water got too warm, even heard one family dumped bags of ice in their pool to cool it off!)

2. the 2011 michigan melt

3. air conditioner industry stimulus '11

4. the not-dry heat of 2011

5. the day I walked outside and spontaneously burst into flames!!!!!!

Boat conversations are awkward

Your walking down a hallway and you see somebody you know. They are too far to actually start talking to them bit you and they both notice each other. You try not to make eye contact for extended amounts of time until finally you get close enough to tall to them. And even then you probably can't just stop so its a short conversation as you pass them.

Usually, quite awkward.

Now take that awkward and rimes it by ninety-three (yes exactly ninety-three!) And that's what its like having a conversation with a person passing your boat in their boat. It would be rude to ignore somebody passing by so close but you know it will only be temporary so you have to time the conversation PERFECTLY! the seperation by water also comes into play. You can essentially say anything you want to them, no matter how rude or obscene. What are they going to do, jump in, swim over, and try to attack you? They could try to run you over with their boat, but it would have to be much larger and faster than yours. All they could do is shoot you.

Weird traditions...

My family has some awfully odd traditions...

For Christmas we can always count on at least one thing: there will be an orange in the stocking. I recently learned this isn't just us, that it has roots in Germany or Russia...

Star Wars monopoly. My family isn't really into board games, unless its scrabble or monopoly. We have a really nice turntable scrabble set, and for some reason SW monopoly. We used to have children monopoly but ditched it when my sis and I got too old for it. at some point it was decided we would get a new star wars themed set (probably because I was a huge star wars nerd at the time). We have had it for years without ever deciding to switch to a standard version. My dad has never seen a star wars movie, but his nicknames for the different planets are endlessly entertaining. This game for some reason accompanies us on any and all vacations.

Off-road van. For some insane reason my dad refuses to buy a truck or suv. We have been through a few full size vans, some conversion, some not. Despite a complete lack of capability we have taken these RWD behemoths through some moderately frightening trails up north. How the frame has survived these trials is beyond explanation.

the "airport walk". this one comes from my mom, who is notorious for speed walking (but closer to running) in airports without reason. Anytime we see somebody hustling in a public place we identify the famous "airport walk"

Why Facebook fans should ditch it for Google+

With the internet still in an uproar about Google's new social push the big question for some remains to be: "why should I choose it over Facebook?". Its an important question because many people have become rooted in Facebook. Their pictures are on there, their games are on there, and everybody they ever met is on there. For these people there really ISN'T a reason to leave.

However, if you're one of the people who loves Facebook for what it was a few years ago then Google+ is where you should be. Facebook has gotten out of control and become a big bloated mess to meet the needs of those who have it as their homepage. Facebook has become more about games, in-laws, and ad revenue than a social tool.

Google+ is what Facebook was and should always be: a simple place to connect with others and share. Throw in the following ideals from Twitter and it becomes the ideal social network. I'm not going to go into all the features of Google+, (of you want to learn about them just Google it ;-) ) but the way they work is so efficient that you will be amazed. The system scales perfectly between sharing with just your closest allies, or all of humanity.

This said most people won't be able to completely abandon Facebook, but Google+ will be the place you go to be social.

Smarties

Smarties are the greatest candy ever. Don't think so? When was the last time you reached into a bag of randomly assorted candy and did NOT immediately start looking for Smarties?

Never.

My cars name is Java

The buick regal that replaced chaka was for a while nameless! at first it was named balrog because I was watching LotR and liked the name. after a while i got tired of it and wanted something more original, like chaka. tried a few names but none stuck. none until java that is!

but why java? here is why:

-its black, which is how i like my coffee

-i love coffee

-java is one of the first programming languages I was interested in.

-did i mention coffee?

save money!

instead of paying up the next time the debt collectors come calling just tell them that "the chex in the mail" and kindly send them a box full of chex (bubble wrap it so the squares do not get crunched!)

cars these days are too small!

now I know people generally think small cars are just super great because they generally get good gas mileage and are easier to park but the trend is silly to me.

most of the improvements from gas mileage are all to do with the engine, not the cars size. if a decent effort was put forth you would see great gas mileage figures even in larger cars. This is starting to happen with ford and chevy having their truck mpg war. otherwise the only realistic advantage to having a smaller car is its easier to park, which kinda pales in comparison to the advantages of a bigger car.

This is very frustrating as I work at the local k-mart ( :D ) and one of my jobs is to load furniture into the customers car. I used to ask what model they had to make sure it would fit but now I tend to just ask what year. If its newer than '05 I just flat out tell them its probably not gonna fit...

I understand compacts arose out of the 70s fuel crisis because back then small car = small engine = better gas mileage, but now its just irrelevant.